when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
