I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
