"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
