ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.