Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight