so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex