Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice