Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk