Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.