ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.