omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Still dying that you shit outside
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
