I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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