she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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