At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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