As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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