I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
