Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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