Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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