Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
