No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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