I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
