It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
