According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
