Your mouth is God's brothel.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
