i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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