We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
