Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
