You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
