i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
