The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
