Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
