do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
