i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
