why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
