My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
