I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
