Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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