I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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