the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
