It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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