can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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