Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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