theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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