then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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