I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
