just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
