Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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