His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
