Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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