This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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