Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
