4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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