Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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