Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
