Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
