How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
