youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
