I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
