i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
