Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A bitchslap is in order.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
