she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
