I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
