I just saw a hot homeless man
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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