I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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