I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.