If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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