okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
