I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
