he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
