i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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