everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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