He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
