Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
