Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
