Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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