Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
