return my video game
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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