I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
