Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
