best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
