omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
