you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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