I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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